A Dream about sorting Lego blocks
I dreamed that I was in a hospital visiting my mum (who has passed away not too long ago) but in my dream she was alive but in the hospital bed having treatment because there was something wrong in her head, I couldn't hear what the doctor was telling her but she was making gestures and pointing to her head, so I kind of guessed at what she was telling him and what he was saying to her.
The doctor came over to me and said 'I need you to do something for me!'
He then said 'can you take over this job' that another doctor was doing, he was sorting out lego bricks from a large assortment, the doctor who was sorting the lego said 'it has taken me some time to sort all the green lego bricks, and I have got to 300 but I need you to take over,' he also said that I needed to spend as much time as I could to do this.
I agreed to continue with the lego sorting, and sat down at the end of my mums hospital bed and proceeded to sort the green lego bricks and put them all together in a separate box. I continued for as long as I could, then I counted them and realised I had counted 700 so with the doctors 300 we now had a thousand. When I looked in the box I realised I had put some red ones in by mistake, but apparently my time was up and I couldn't go back in and change it.
My mum has been gone for a year now and although I cared for her for three years before her death we had quite a difficult relationship, not just in the last three years but all the way back to my teenage years.
It was a love/hate relationship. I was an only child so we had an immense bond all the way through our lives. When my daughter came along she too joined this bond and the three of us did everything together, my daughter's relationship with my mum was far more comfortable and they never argued or disagreed whereas, my mum and I continued to spend half our time arguing and the other half being very loving towards each other. I can be Jekyell and Hyde and my mum was the same way, which meant that if the wrong two characters met on any given day the air could be toxic and damaging.
Grieving is a little more complicated when a relationship isn't straight forward, you have to come to terms with the relationship that you had and accept you cannot change it now that the person has died. Unfortunately, half of me misses her like crazy and the other half is relieved that we don't have to argue anymore. This seems unbalanced and difficult to negotiate in ones own mind, I want closure, I want to know where we stand, do we love or hate each other, I want our mother/daughter relationship to be easy even though she isn't here anymore. I think of her in the afterlife and wonder if she has changed, I wonder if Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde have gone or have they been fully integrated into one Mrs. Nice persona. I want to know so I can put my own personality into order, was it me or was it her? whose fault was all those arguments down to? Even if we go halfsies on the damage, can we have a relationship in the future spirit realms of peace and harmony?
We hurt each other and we couldn't find peace within our relationship even at the end of her life. I had to pretend and play act, I had to learn to shut up and just agree with everything right up to the very end. It was the only way to bring peace which is what she needed.
I learned a lot, and I am grateful for the experience because it helped me learn so much about myself it helped me really want peace for someone who I love but didn't get along with very well.
The doctors in the dream were letting me know that my mum has the same mental issues as I do I'm sure, she deserves peace as do I. The green lego bricks are probably symbolic for the relationships we build in our lives. Green is a healthy healing colour and the red bricks I threw in by mistake are the love and anger combos we continually grappled with. I still believe that she sees me as responsible and I still see her as responsible, this is something we both have to come to terms with and these issues seem to continue after death.
I don't think spirit can actually tell you what's happening in the mind of the diseased soul, which is why I didn't hear what my mum and the doctor were talking about. I was shown through their actions in the dream and that is allowed. Its to do with free will on the earth and that spirit are not allowed to interfere in any way. I understood that my mum still has things on her mind the same as me, and if I find peace I know she will too.
Just because someone has passed away it doesn't mean you have to accept where the relationship was at the time of death, you can still work it out after, you can still find peace with each other by accepting each other for what you were and just loving each other regardless. Forgiveness is something that must be given to yourself and the other person. Look for the lessons you both learned and the strength that was gained from the experiences you shared. Remember, there are no mistakes just red bits of lego in with the green. You cant change the past but you can always work on the future.